Cool change makes for hot office chat

Sydney, AUSTRALIA – As the mercury dropped to a fresh 13°C this morning, conversation was warming up at an undisclosed Government institution of correspondence education to risqué levels. What began as Monday morning chit-chat soon escalated to a suggestive discussion of weekend plans surrounding “alternative energy sources to keep warm this winter.”

Conversation ring-leader and office administrator, Susan Blusef, was provoked by the arrival of a male maintenance worker who appeared to be under the age of 40, some 20 years younger than the average age of employees at the institution. The young man was walking down the office corridor carrying what appeared to be quite a heavy ladder with ease when Blusef noticed him and remarked to a co-worker, “First day of winter? Doesn’t look like it - I’m feeling hot, hot, hot!”

Blusef proceeded to start a conga line around the Accounts department which soon failed due to said department swaying on the heavier side of the age/weight scales. And being accountants.

Unperturbed by the dances’ failure and still within eye-shot of the rippling muscles of the maintenance worker, the 25 year-old clerical worker continued her “heated” conversation with custodial consultant Jorge Rodrigues, “I wish I was a ladder. He can put a bun in my oven. Seriously Jorge, that man can take me now and… you haven’t been listening to your language tapes have you? Man, Jorge get your learning on dude – you’ve been in the country 17 years!”

Blusef was fired before morning tea for inappropriate gesturing involving a ladle and a skim cappuccino.

and what happened next was...

"One day Alice came to a fork in the road and saw a Cheshire cat in a tree.

Which road do I take? she asked.

Where do you want to go? was his response.

I don't know, Alice answered.

Then, said the cat, it doesn't matter.”

- Lewis Carroll

Single girl overcomes bad morning

11/12/08

Sydney, AUSTRALIA – Glebe-based office manager and soon to be published author, Katherine Boyle, has shocked horoscope writers and local North Sydney pessimists by overcoming what could have become 'the worst day ever'.

In a surprising twist of events, Boyle was seen smiling and joking with co-workers despite having engaged in numerous telephonic morning arguments and narrowly surviving a near-death Magpie experience.

More astounding was the reaction of onlooker, Donna Slutfeatures, from the Walker Street office elevator, "Oh yeah, I saw her get in the lift after the Magpie nearly killed her and I thought I'd make her day worse by talking to a girlfriend about my shallow relationship." Slutfeatures, a local strumpet who works in cosmetics sales continued, "it just didn't seem to affect her. She was all like smiling and walking with like some kind of single-girl confidence. I don't get it."

This wave of self esteem in single 20-somethings appears to be spreading around the city, inner-west and western suburbs offices of Sydney. Acclaimed comedienne and recent optimist, Susan Youssef has attributed the 'happy times attitude' partly to the saving grace of friendship but mostly to alcohol, "When things get tough I usually turn to my friends and by friends I mean Vodka, if you know what I'm saying..." Youssef was recently admitted to a rehabilitation clinic. She was still smiling.

Buck You - A Biography

Amanda Buckley is an all-singing, all-dancing, story telling, comic genius. Susie Youssef is her side kick. Well, she's not really called a "side kick". You can call her whatever you like. Just don't call her Izzie. It's a long story. Amanda will try to tell you about it; Susie will try to stop her. Amanda will win. She usually does. There's something about that girl. It's like she's made out of sunshine and lollipops. Susie is more like a toasted cheese sandwich. But don't feel sorry for her. She's young. And she has an artillery of insults, a sleeveful of wit and a velvet tongue. Actually velvet is another sensitive topic. Susie will tell you why. Amanda wont stop her.

One thing is for sure... they both have great hair.